Teachers and caregivers have their own pressures—so many different children at different stages of development. Here are some ways for them to cope with the demands of caring for many children at once, while also respecting each child’s stage of development:
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Have a bathroom setup that is child-oriented, with a small toilet and other interesting things to do there—books to read, a picture to look at, a pad for drawing while each child sits.
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An adult who is not under pressure to see a child trained and can serve just as a companion should be available to accompany the child to the bathroom.
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No adult talk in the classroom about toilet training. Other children can ask “Are you dry?” “Do you still use diapers?” Don’t enter into it with them. This is an effort on their part to understand themselves—by comparing themselves with other children.
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Be ready to accept each child where he is in these steps toward mastery. Be ready to admire each little step he tries out but let each success be his, and don’t advertise them to anyone else. Ask him if he’d like to tell his parents when they come to pick him up. If he doesn’t, respect his wishes. He’ll let them know soon enough on his own.
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Privately discuss with parents where their child is in his progress and what he is doing. Keep separate notes for each family, so you can be sure not to confuse them. -
Have a routine time (after circle time) when any child who wants to go to the potty can line up, try it, and be quietly commended. But the other children need to be respected for “not going.” “I know you’ll go when you’re ready.” Offer them a parallel activity that is not too interesting, but respects the fact that all children are not ready.
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Plan a parent evening when both parents and caregivers can let off steam about setbacks, share ideas, and express their own wishes. Parents can give each other much needed support. Aim this evening at an understanding of the steps of toilet training, and each child’s needs to be in charge of his own goals.
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Recognize, as a teacher or childcare provider, that you are hungry for the child’s success, and that this hunger can lead to pressure on the child—and on the parent. Early toilet training is highly overrated as a sign of success in our society. But children started early (between 17 and 27 months) often don’t master toilet training until they are the same age as children who start a little later. Why risk the feelings of failure when there-is plenty of time? We need to be aware that children can succeed when they are ready—with our direction, but not our pressure.
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